The Spirit Awards were announced yesterday and I’d say there were few surprises. Still, that’s just me. This IndieWire writer was surprised 10 times. I was going to discuss the nominations but guest commentator Dark Tony insisted on adding his filthy two cents in the form of a point-by-point rebuttal to the IndieWire article. That means this post is NSFW so lock up your daughters and send the kids to the neighbor’s because the beast is unleashed.
- I didn’t see THE LAST STATION but it has a shitload of quote-unquote big indie actors, a studio director slumming and zero box-office mojo so why wouldn’t FIND pick them up off the streets? It’s like their own… what’s that classic… about making that chic acceptable to society… oh, yeah, PRETTY WOMAN.
- Didn’t see GOODBYE SOLO but I did see A SERIOUS MAN and I’m calling it backlash for the Coen Brothers’ new idea of what makes an ending. Seriously guys, why do you keep jerking us around? It ends just as a tornado touches down? You fucking bail just when something is about to happen? You could have put TWISTER to shame and it’s hard to top Jan DeBont but you chickened out. Get fucked!
- Dude, it’s the indie world. They like stories about, you know, minorities, especially when they’re told by other minorities. As for that one that was just like the one from last year but was total bullshit, you know the one, by that guy that spends way too much on music videos, fuck, I mean, FIND needs some pretty people at their event and they don’t get prettier than the vapid looking magic-pixie-nutty girl or whatever the fuck that fucking new movie cliche is.
- You’re gonna dog PARANORMAL ACTIVITY? That guy made billions of dollars by cutting together home videos of his annoying friends. That guy should be made CEO of GM.
- They’re the kings of making fake indie movies that make real money. Hey, make those guys in charge of GM.
- I once partied with that fucker. No, seriously, I did, and he thought I was a crazy fucker.
- Man, one’s about tuna additive and the other, shit, who the fuck watches documentaries?
- The world needs some fresh tail.
- That lot, you know they loved getting slapped. That’s right, you’re a bad girl. You want another?
Jesus, that guys is an a**hole! Thank God he’s only a guest commentator on my blog… but for the record, one of those ten rebuttal points is true.