Posts Tagged ‘Dark Tony’

Spirit Awards 2010 Nominations

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

The Spirit Awards were announced yesterday and I’d say there were few surprises. Still, that’s just me. This IndieWire writer was surprised 10 times. I was going to discuss the nominations but guest commentator Dark Tony insisted on adding his filthy two cents in the form of a point-by-point rebuttal to the IndieWire article. That means this post is NSFW so lock up your daughters and send the kids to the neighbor’s because the beast is unleashed.

  1. I didn’t see THE LAST STATION but it has a shitload of quote-unquote big indie actors, a studio director slumming and zero box-office mojo so why wouldn’t FIND pick them up off the streets? It’s like their own… what’s that classic… about making that chic acceptable to society… oh, yeah, PRETTY WOMAN.
  2. Didn’t see GOODBYE SOLO but I did see A SERIOUS MAN and I’m calling it backlash for the Coen Brothers’ new idea of what makes an ending. Seriously guys, why do you keep jerking us around? It ends just as a tornado touches down? You fucking bail just when something is about to happen? You could have put TWISTER to shame and it’s hard to top Jan DeBont but you chickened out. Get fucked!
  3. Dude, it’s the indie world. They like stories about, you know, minorities, especially when they’re told by other minorities. As for that one that was just like the one from last year but was total bullshit, you know the one, by that guy that spends way too much on music videos, fuck, I mean, FIND needs some pretty people at their event and they don’t get prettier than the vapid looking magic-pixie-nutty girl or whatever the fuck that fucking new movie cliche is.
  4. You’re gonna dog PARANORMAL ACTIVITY? That guy made billions of dollars by cutting together home videos of his annoying friends. That guy should be made CEO of GM.
  5. Who?
  6. They’re the kings of making fake indie movies that make real money. Hey, make those guys in charge of GM.
  7. I once partied with that fucker. No, seriously, I did, and he thought I was a crazy fucker.
  8. Man, one’s about tuna additive and the other, shit, who the fuck watches documentaries?
  9. The world needs some fresh tail.
  10. That lot, you know they loved getting slapped. That’s right, you’re a bad girl. You want another?

Jesus, that guys is an a**hole! Thank God he’s only a guest commentator on my blog… but for the record, one of those ten rebuttal points is true.

:)

Monsters of Folk @ Greek Theater

Monday, October 19th, 2009

Let it be known that I had a chance to see the Monsters of Rock show and I didn’t go. I know, I know, pre-suck Metallica, Van Halen, Dokken, Scorpions… I know! I did see the Clash of the Titans tour (Anthrax, Megadeth & Slayer w/ Alice in Chains opening) and at that show Scott Ian jumped into the crowd and pounded the s**t out of some f**ker that was throwing firecrackers on stage so in honor of that aggression, that’s how I’ll review the Monsters of Folk show.

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Welcome to Dark Tony and his NSFW review of the Monsters of Folk

First and foremost, although some of the music was super pansy, it was a pretty fucking awesome show. The band was tight and while it was often low and mellow, occasionally it rocked (thank Satan). Now, I should mention my predispositions. I hate Conor Oberst. I’d like to send his head through a plate glass window. I bet the fucker hates being compared to Bob Dylan but I bet he gets more pissed when someone doesn’t. Now, M. Ward (does it really stand for “Montgomery” as Jim James said? If so, and if you’re not the heir to that department store for old ladies, then your parents really fucking hated you). First, props to this fucker because he can fucking shred on his axe. Yeah, it’s all that acoustic bullshit but if he really applied himself and sacrificed a virgin to Odin he might actually have a chance at slaying the beast known as Malmsteen. That said, dude, could you be more creepy and disingenuous? You look like the kind of fucker that would try to roofie my girlfriend at a bar… if I had a girlfriend… HEY, FUCK YOU FUCKER! No, the only righteous dude was Jim James. Okay, this bullshit spelling of his name, using Ys instead of your real name, that’s just… geez, I live so close to West Hollywood and I’m not supposed to be using that word but… oh, I know, I’ll do what they do on those stupid bus ads. That’s so “dude that listens to Queen and got really excited when he heard about David Bowie pounding Mick Jagger’s fudge maker.” No, but, hey, that fucker can rock. Like, when he screamed out “yeah!” it was like calling to the hounds of hell to unleash their unholy metal upon the Greek Theater. Fuck, I can’t wait any longer for My Morning Jacket to tour. Put out a new album and tour you fuckers!

…And so ends the brief reign of Dark Tony. If you’re looking for a great concert, go! And like Dark Tony said, when the hell is My Morning Jacket touring next? What, you say you’re not familiar with MMJ? You can get all their stuff on eMusic. What the fuck are you waiting for?

Oops, sorry. Dark Tony slipped out. Must be because Halloween is so close.

Filmmakers Are Dead: Who

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

Okay, I’m prone to hyperbole but I’m not the only one wondering if this is a dark age for independent filmmakers or if we are at the dawn of a new golden age (probably both). According to the old guard, the sky is falling, the industry as we’ve enjoyed it is dying, party over, oops, out of time. On the other hand, forward thinking, technically-minded folk like Scott Kirsner and Lance Weiler believe that the readily available means of digital production, the internet as a distribution pipeline and social media as a primary networking/marketing tool will allow anyone, even you, to grow your own audience and take the leap from weekend hobbyest to career content creator.

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Personally, while imbued with a healthy does of skepticism and prone to ranting, I’m looking for a glimmer of hope on the horizon. It is with those glasses and crash helmet that I begin this series I’m calling “Filmmakers are Dead” (we’ve talked about Dark Tony, right?). My goal is very selfish: I hope to better understand what’s going on and hopefully get your two-cents in the process. In order to give this series some structure, I’m gonna release one installment per basic reporter questions (i.e., who, what, when, where, why and how).

Welcome to the first installment:

Who?

As I’ve already mentioned, this is very much the old guard (mainstream media such as the studios, broadcasters and all those that profit from working with them under the current structure) versus forward thinking up-and-coming artists.

Allow me a tangent here (the first of many). Let’s breakdown these artists of the internet age into the major disciplines addressed by Scott in the interview above. We can safely say that the majority of internet artists are either musicians, animators or filmmakers. I’d like to permanently break filmmakers out from under this umbrella. Why?

  1. Unlike musicians or animators, filmmakers can’t make movies by themselves in their bedrooms. Filmmakers need crews, locations and actors/subjects.
  2. Films, on the whole, will always cost more than the output of musicians or animators. While Jill Sobule can hold a web-a-thon to raise $75,000 to comfortably record a very polished album, a filmmaker would need to raise anywhere from three to ten times that amount to create an equally commercially viable and polished film.
  3. Independent feature films don’t lend themselves to the internet by simple virtue of their length. According to Scott, five minutes is the longest any internet video should run (after that, viewers bounce). And again, unlike the musician who can put their full length album up as individual MP3s, the feature filmmaker can’t really present their film as a chopped up series of shorts.

Let me tackle another tangent. The popular term for filmmakers of the internet age is content creator and personally, I hate that term. I know it’s meant to expand the understood scope of what filmmakers create (features, shorts, websites, web seriesgames, ARGs, etc.) but it makes me sound like I’m some corporate shill pumping out widgets for customers. It strips the art out of what we do. Yes, I understand that one of the keys to survival under this is new model is identifying your audience and targeting them with laser like precision but that also means you need to brand and market yourself as a specific kind of content creator. You are the dude that makes motorcycle films, period. Me, I’m still exploring my artistic voice but I beleive all my works are steeped with the themes that drive me, Look at Scorsese. It doesn’t matter if he makes a period romance, a gangster flick, a horror thriller or even a music video, you can recognize his works by their themes and style. Me, I’m a filmmaker.

Now, let’s get back to the “them” that I simply described as the old guard. Yes, it’s easy to boo the major studios and broadcasters, their corporate parents and all their related media spawn but don’t we all want to play in their yard? I know we’re all in an economic crisis and I don’t know where they get the stones to say “instead of giving you a commercial with a six-figure budget we’re gonna demand a high quality product with a two week turn around but we’re only gonna give ya pizza money and we’re gonna call it a viral video, which we’re gonna post all over YouTube, Hulu, you name it, but we’re not sharing any of the profits. The exposure is your profit. BTW, since we’re the copyright holders we’re not gonna let you post it on your own website. Cool? My lawyers tell me it’s cool” but don’t we still do the job for the exposure and the pizza money? Hey, cold pizza will feed ya for most of the week. Plus, aren’t they scouting us, hazing us, testing us to see if we might be the right person to direct the webisodes based on their new Christian Slater series? I know it’s terribly unfair but…

Another tangent: I love how clients ask for viral videos. Um, you can’t make a viral video. You make a video, send it out into the world and it either becomes viral or it doesn’t. That’s for the internet to decide.

So now we have some idea of the players, their motivations and how they clash and commingle but let me leave you with this question: Unions and their members are always confronting major corporations (as they should) but how do they interface with new media? I’m not talking about television shows repurposed for the internet but rather original content. How do they (or any of us) make a living from new media, much less collect dues to pay for benefits? Before you answer so quickly, have you seen the budgets on new media programs? They’re all over the map: Joss Whedon’s DOCTOR HORRIBLE cost in the low six figures, John August’s THE REMNANTS cost over $25k and I know some folks that make internet shorts for less than $100 a pop. Want one union’s answer to new media? Check out SAG’s New Media Rate Sheet?

Next week: What?

Going to Comic-Com

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

Yes, that’s right, I’m going to the fanboy mecca this summer.

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After glancing yesterday’s news, it seems like I should expect a giant press event from the major broadcasters peddling any of their shows that might possibly have a geeky male audience.

Hey, hold on, I’m not trying to be snarky but why there hell will there be a GLEE press event? Do we have to provide our own cabbages?

(Dark Tony’s Conscience: That one goes out to my buddy, Mr. Big Hollywood Producer.)

(Tony’s Conscience: No, no, no! Don’t go negative. Stay positive. There’ll be a FRINGE event. Your TV crush Anna Torv might be there. Sure, you probably have a better chance of talking to her at the Sunset Coffee Bean but…)

Okay, anyone that’s gone before, what should I do? What should I expected? What kind of trouble can I get into and will she be wearing a Princess Lea bikini from RETURN OF THE JEDI?

“I am Like a Livin’ Animal!”

Thursday, October 25th, 2007

I’m having one of those weeks and I think I’m feeling my inner Tyson.

BTW, 1) yes I am Dark Tony but I do have a sense of humor, 2) I would never condone any of the things the 8-bit Mr. Tyson expounds upon and 3) I am so envious and jealous of animators. I wish I could what they do. I also tend to fall for animator (yeah, Ellen, I still think of ya.)

You Sunk My Writing Group!

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007

That reference to one of my favorite “board” games only disguises the sad fact that there is no writing group this fall. No one wanted to commit. Not true. One guy (besides me) wanted to do it. But two does not a writing group make.

Maybe this is a sign that I need to accomplish these goals on my own. In my experience nothing is easy, everything is hard. I’m always being reminded that I must do things on my own. I can’t count on anyone…

Whoa! That was a quick visit by Dark Tony.

I have to write this feature script. I’m now considering a UCLA extension class; I can’t take a 434, I’m not enrolled this quarter. Maybe I’ll pull a script-in-a-month for October. Either way, I must pound this out while prepping my thesis.

Ugh.

Radial Velocities in the Zodiacal Dust Cloud

Friday, August 24th, 2007

I don’t know about the rest of you but I beat myself up terribly. I don’t know where it comes from but it’s part of what makes Dark Tony. As you may or may not know, I left my graduate program to pursue an opportunity that went off track. Although none of it was under my control or the result of my doing, I still insist on beating myself up. I could have had my MFA years ago but I don’t. That’s why I’m shooting my thesis in December.

But I recently learned that Brian May, guitarist for Queen, just received his PhD in astrophysics. He handed in his thesis 30 years late. Granted, I haven’t been a rock star in a platinum selling super group but this story made me feel better about myself. It’s been a long time since I smiled.

BTW, the title of my blog is the title of Brian May’s… pardon me, Dr. May’s dissertation.

Dark Tony

Saturday, August 18th, 2007

Many moons ago, when I was working a Pro Tools session with my friend Lillian (BTW, as you’ll soon learn, I’m not upset with you) she informed me of a “naming game” people were playing on set. The “game” is pretty simple: add an appropriate adjective to someone’s name so that you perfectly describe a facet of their personality. On a side note, unbeknownst to me, I invented the game years prior when I started calling a friend “Mean Gene.” Anyway, I asked, “what’s my name?” “Dark Tony,” she replied.

All those playing the game said she’d hit it on the nail… and I’d have to agree with them. It’s a part of me. For example, when I heard about a reality show where kids run a town on their own for a month, I didn’t imagine a feel-good network series. I imagined something along the lines of “Eli Roth remakes LORD OF THE FLIES.”

I never see it coming but when I find myself staring down those Travis Bickle tendencies, I know I’ve become Dark Tony. Why blog about my psychological state? Because I’ve been under a long shadow and I think I know why. It happened when my September thesis shoot feel apart. This creative miscarriage brought my drive to a screeching halt. I stopped working on my thesis, I stopped working on feature projects, I just stopped working.

But I think I’m in the penumbra now. I’m feeling creativity coming back to me. I’m readjusting my focus to a December thesis shoot. I’m starting to rewrite a script I finished. I’m even starting a new script, a no-budget project I hope to make my first feature. Things are looking brighter.

And that also means I’ll be blogging more. :)