Cinematic Arias

So I just read this IndieWire article and I have one thought/comment.

BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!

Let’s just take the very basics of what this filmmaker proposes and point out the holes (which are as big as the Grand Canyon). I’m gonna run with his premise of shooting a $5,000 feature in 10 days.

#1 – Write a realistically shootable script. This is good advice. Take it.

#2 – Rent, don’t buy, a camera. Again, good advice. Let’s say you get a camera with a few lenses and a memory card for $100/day. For 10 days that $1,000, so $4,000 left in the budget.

#3 – Pay your crew. He says you should pay a DP/camera operator and a Sound Mixer $100/day each, more if they have their own equipment. Let’s say that they both have their own gear and will do the job for $150/day each. This means we don’t need to rent a camera. Great, our budget is back up to $5,000. At $150/day, for 2 people for 10 days, these two crew positions will cost you $3,000. That leaves $2,000 in your budget.

#4 – Have actors supply their own wardrobe. Again, good advice.

#5 – Sign a SAG Ultra Low Budget Agreement. Okay, so let’s say that’s 2 actors at $100/day. For 10 days that’s $2,000. Congrats, you’ve spent all of your $5,000.

#6 – Get production insurance. A wonderful idea. All my filmmaking friends tell me this’ll cost you around $2,000 but let’s say you get the deal of the century and only have to pay $1,000. You film now costs $6,000.

#7 – Don’t write music into your film unless you own it. Again, another bit of great advice.

#8 – Edit your film yourself. I’m just gonna run with the fact that you probably own your own computer and are gonna use iMovie, which came with your laptop. I’m not even gonna add the cost of getting a hard drive.

#9 – Keep the hours short, the days few and the food delicious. Yes to all three, but how much is that food gonna cost you? Let’s say you’re feeding five people (director, DP, sound and two actors) for 10 days. Let’s say it’s coffee & bagels in the morning, lunch and light snacks throughout the day. But that food has to be “delicious”, right? So I’m gonna optimistically say that a delicious lunch, coffee and snack is gonna cost $20/day per person. That’s $1,000.

Congrats, you’re now $2,000 over budget.

Like I said, BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!

But optimistically (which is really hard for me), you might be able to shoot your film for $10,000, right?