Cinematic Arias

I didn’t quite make a deal with the devil but I did get a PS3 (it came free with another major purchase) so it’s kinda like I let a devil child into my home and he won’t stop wasting my time.

What’s worse, my buddy Pat warned me that I could spend years playing all the free downloadable demos from the Sony PlayStation Store. All I heard was “free downloadable demos.”

Argh! There goes my productivity. Now that I’ve downloaded a ton of demos allow me to share my abbreviated reviews.

• Bayonetta – Um, this game is too… it isn’t for me. Plus I find it disturbing that you’re playing a gun-toting, uber-stacked version of Tina Fey that, when she performs certain combo moves, has all her clothes fly off. Very disturbing
• The Lord of the Rings: Conquest – I now understand why gamers complain about video games based on movies. This was so not fun. More than that, it was just awful. Terrible.
• The Simpsons Game – I think I can say the same thing about TV shows made into video games. It should have been more fun to play Homer and Bart but instead it was cumbersome. Plus it was difficult to figure out the level objective.
• Wet – Think KILL BILL the video game. Yeah, I know, not very inventive but I kinda liked it. It might just be worth buying… if it were on sale.
• Dead Space: Dismemberment – Not a particularly fun demo and after a couple of minutes I felt queasy. Just too gruesome for me.
• The Last Guy – I tried this indie game based on a recommendation and while I kinda like some of the style and humor, it’s something I’d play for 5 minutes and then never play again.
• Conan – It’s okay but if I could play the version where I’m a skinny, red-haired host battling the evil forces of Mr. Big Chin, now that’d be cool.
• Stranglehold – I am the target audience for this. Chow Yun Fat in a John Woo movie that I can play? This should be f**king awesome. Unfortunately, the demo loses sound halfway through and crashes. Boo! Still, I might rent this game (yes, I love John Woo that much and you should too. He’s easily one of the coolest action directors around.).
• Iron Man – Did I say that the Lord of the Rings game was the worst? Well, it is, but this places a close second.
• Trine – I heard good things about this 3D side scroller and they’re mostly right on. This pseudo-puzzle-game-meets-Castlevania is fun. I wasn’t addicted but I’d consider buying it for a discounted price.
• The Bourne Conspiracy – You know what, I liked the simple brutality of this game. I’d buy it at a heavy discount.
• Turok – I know folk loved the original but this incarnation is boring. How can killing dinosaurs be this tiresome? What a shame.
• Red Faction: Guerrilla – I know some people love this game but it just didn’t appeal to me. It has a great premise and setting but after trying the first level and dying minutes later I wasn’t compelled to pick up the controller again.
• Mirror’s Edge – This game gets big points for being a cool, different kinda game. I know, some of you are sick of Parkour but by moving the action into a FPS framework this game amps up the thrills. Absolutely worth a look
• InFamous – All signs point to this being a great game. My only complaint was that I got killed so often that I grew frustrated with the game but maybe that’s just me. I haven’t owned a system since the original NES so I’m a terrible player.
• Kane & Lynch: Dead Men – If HEAT were a video game, this would be it. Worth checking out, if only as a rental (I could see this getting monotonous).
• Heavenly Sword – A decent hack ‘n slash (I’m not a huge fan of games with 200 combo moves, which this has, probably because I’m a terrible gamer; see above) but I do love Anna Torv. Therefore, I won’t outright dismiss this game.
• Zombie Apocalypse – This only makes me wish Left 4 Dead was available on the PS3.
• Watchmen: The End is Nigh – Oh man, yet another awful game… and movie… but I love that comic. Seriously, this game is just dumb. No art.
• Wanted: Weapons of Fate – What at first seems like the perfect comic/movie to port into a game gets butchered by lame controls and weak gameplay (hey, I almost sound like a real gamer).
• God of War 3 – Now this is a crazy, bloody hack ‘n slash I could get into!

Phew, thank goodness I got that out of my system. Wait, not yet. I have one more demo to play but I got one problem. I really want to try the Army of Two: The 40th Day demo but I need someone to play with me. Want to play online? Hit me up.Want  to come over? Just say when.

And I conclude this post with a trailer for a game that affected me emotionally. I… just watch it first.

I don’t know why that fusion of imagery and song hit me so hard but… ah, I know why. It’s been a hard few months and I’m particularly sensitive these days. I know, it’s kinda the anti-game, or game as art, but it looks like I’m gonna have to download it.

ANYWAY, what other games should I be checking out?

Tags: Anna Torv, Army of Two: The 40th Day, Bayonetta, Castlevania, Chow Yun Fat, Conan, Dead Space, Flower, God of War 3, Heat, Heavenly Sword, InFAMOUS, Iron Man, John Woo, Kane & Lynch: Dead Men, Kill Bill, Left 4 Dead, Mirror's Edge, Parkour, PlayStation, PS3, Red Faction: Guerrilla, Stranglehold, The Bourne Conspiracy, The Last Guy, The Lord of the Rings, The Simpsons, Trine, Turok, Video Games, Wanted: Weapons of Fate, Watchmen: The End is Nigh, Wet, Zombie Apocalypse

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 28th, 2010 at 9:35 am and is filed under Off-Topic. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.